Assalamualaikum...thou no one is reading.

better this way

a long journey today...almost ten hours driving will make you wonder how much Allah have kept you secured..breathing.still.regardless the crazy traffic and sometimes-wreckless-rempit-driving style.If and only if...something bad happened.Will the deeds that I have done all these years secure me a better place in the hereafter?well...death awaits us not just in a dangerous place but it can be on your bed...tonight?na'udzubillahminzalik.

yet...constant reflection is what we always need.

a sinner...may Allah forgives.because He is The Most Forgiven.:')

Fighter-to-be

Assalamualaikum

the shabby dusty blog...revisiting after quite a while 

Just came back from volunteering work at Tengku Budriah..so much fun with the kiddos.but my heartache when I was with them too.

Having fun because the kids are really talkative

They are really pampered, in their own ways

Their will to learn,regardless how much they are lagging behind

Their warm smile...

Laughter

Fights

I fall in love with them all.period

But I cant help to feel greedy.wanting them to be able to get so much in that little time.regardless how hard they are struggling. I want them...to lead a new life.to stand tall wherever they are.never let others look down on them.compete just like others compete.

Go kiddos.be a fighter!

I wish to have more time for them.moga Allah bagi kelapangan masa.

and a promise I should keep.

for years to come, I will teach them to become human. I will teach my students to be human rather than robot. I want to love them the way I love the kids now.and I shall not let the system washed this away.

and heart.shall keep this tight.make me steadfast Ya Allah.

jaded

its a rambling...but its the heart content.

130313

0025.

Life as it seems...life as we live it

Life as it seems...life as we live it

It aint easy...coming back and forth.feel up in the sky.hati rasa mantap.iman rasa kuat.and at times...you are barely breathing.you know it.but helpless with not much effort to bring it up.jaded.dengan diri sndiri of not being able to be persistence.of always throwing tantrums randomly at realllyyyy unexpected things and not being mad at things that should be mad at.out of control.and I hate myself most when this happened.

Just because...getting midnight(just say it night) air is very much refreshing for me.using the excuse of going out to the city looking for stuff to cook sambal bilis for my bro.I ended up seeing stuff that I can't brain why people able to do such things. Wearing nice clothe*baju kurung yet leasuring around at places that they shouldnt be and do a bit of dancing with the song.hailaaa

Not right for me to say a word.being there.done that.same boat but might be different cabin and direction.i supposed.no boys and as cold as I can be when lone ranger mode is one. Had a conversation with a junior...a sis.when she opened up.ranting about her doing all not-so-good stuff, I know its not easy to spill.its the jerangkung in the closet we are letting out.but hey adik...being there.done that.might be worst.but Allah has His plan...and alhamdulillah.as crazy as I can be,there are things that I really had put my limit at it. To stay away from who you are.what you like to do.your escapism.aint easy.at all cost.but knowing the reason,a concrete one.why you shudnt do this and that.it keeps you steadfast.at times.haha..

But to be reminded..and keep reminding

I have no right to say...as little as I did.as no help I had gave to them.no advice.yet talking bad about them.no more than doing some savings for my sin?not good.I was there.and same old with a bit of amendments here and there.long way to go.and to spill.i don't know how,where or who.except for writing and erasing.feel like it will be washed away for a while.but keep coming back is not an option.

To the dear heart...i know.i havent bleach you enough.but do me a favour.lets work this together.as I supposed that my brain and heart always work opposite way and the crazy random stuff is heart directed.i will always choose heart.as brain is for some other stuff.when craziness is under control.spill.rant.write.randomly.makes the heart feel lotttt more better.and when I rant...i know that I am tired talking to my ownself trying to control things.aint easy.worth trying.

Period.:)

Ouhhh..mak cik2 balik hobi pulak salam(*accepted.normal) but when it comes to hugging and violating the rights of my cheeks.I had goosebumps.and the question.when will be my turn is a wajib phrase.mak cik...my wonderwall is yet to be seen.and my allergy with boys of extra feelings is still there.back off is for them.longgggg way to go.=D

Heartache

0506

Trying to stay awake after subuh and flipping through facebook...and my eyes stop at one of the pictures.

A deep sigh...sad...mad?

I don't know.

Perhaps

Weak...for not being able to stop things and correct 'em.

Weak...for your words not to be taken into actions.

Weak...for not being able to pull you,we us together to Jannah

Mata masuk habuk.
From afar...I can just pray for you.looking at myself with so much imperfections, probably that hinders the good words from reaching you.

Jaded's
Taringa,Brisbane...23102012

The 2+2 years...

Its the second year...for me to realize the meaning of living.

So...lets say it is my second birthday.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

gedebuk....

zasss...kepala laju jer pusing tengok makhluk mana yang berani hempuk aku dengan bag.

asbestos sungguh.

woittt...agak2 la.pantang men cepuk-cepuk aci redah ni

heeee...ko ni.rilek la.kata bday harini.da 22 kot...tua dah weyh.

aku diam...dah 22.calculator otak laju mengira.harini..22 years old.T_______T.rase mcam baru smalam baling kasut dekat budak laki zaman skolah rendah.baru smalam jugak rase lompat pagar sekolah semata-mata nak beli kuih manja belakang pagar sekolah.that...was wayyyy before.keluhan berat x semena-mena aku lepaskan.

Nurin membetulkan duduk sebelah aku...flip bag hitam merah Nurin ak jeling sekilas.Weyh...kau kenapa?ribut tak hujan tak...mendung semacam.nak ribut petir dah aku tengok.

nafas aku tarik dalam...kepala aku pusing, mengadap Nurin." Ko tak rasa twenty two years of living is really long...and to think about it.I did nothing much in life.Something that can secure me a place in Jannah at least.22 years is not a mark of victory to be able to live up till now...but a reminder that am closer to death.and it is a scary fact.yes?

Nurin diam...when she speaks with that tone.she knows that it is not a time for stupid jokes.

Silence...

And that was just another rant...thinking of having it longer but brain just cant compute to write in Malay and rojak language...I might get sue because of it.hahaha

knowing that 14th of October  is the birth date for one of the most respected man..Imam Syahid Hassan Al-Banna...knew this last year when I was doing some reading and some "islamic" rambling with my bro.this knocked me.to remember that everytime I celebrate my birthday, there is someone, who was born on the same date have done so much for the ummah.and where did I stand.what did I do.wheauu.hence,being grateful for 22 years of living and reflecting.

deep sigh...(-_-'')