squeee the lemon...make it as lemon juice.suck it all.Allah is forever wit you.

Wednesday, December 18, 2013

Qudwah Hasanah...lah sangat!

Entry ni untuk sentap. Menyentapkan diri sendiri.

Have heard of this alien "Qudwah Hasanah"

Dalam bahasa yang paling mudah: contoh tauladan yang baik.

And kalau terpijak kaki dalam ladang dakwah dan tarbiyyah, we strive to be one. Especially when familly matters. Bukan semua keluarga boleh hadap anak-anak nak membetulkan whats wrong and whats right in everyday actions. Tambah lagi dengan 'budaya' Melayu.

Orang tua makan garam dulu. Thats what they said.

And, the best way is through actions. It speaks louder and works better at times.

Matlamat saya sepanjang cuti, nak berbakti kat parents, jadi anak soleh solehah, buat kerja rumah and the list goes on.

Common answers. And none of them wrong.

And its never easy.

Kalau nak kira buat. Semua orang mungkin boleh buat. Either dalam paksa atau rela.

What I learnt is, qudwah hasanah from the smallest actions which meant big.

It starts from ATTITUDE

Adik, dah masuk waktu, solat. Adik buat muka batu. Takpe, adikkk..solat zohor.

Setengah jam later,

Adik da solat blom? Mata glued to tv, blooommmm.

And thats when The Hulk came.

Angah kata solatttt! Pegi solattt. I count to three and I want you on your prayer mat!

And this is. EVERYDAY.

And I was at fault. Yelling. Attitude fail and I expect him to remember to pray awal waktu.NO. He wont with yelling.

At times. I really think. My attitude as dai'e is messed up.

And reflecting this every night before I sleep. I thought, Shaytan won again today. Made me lose my temper and blow off my mind.


Anyone can take over you when you dont know how to control your temper.

And the attitude you show totally reflects your inner self.



And may Allah gives strength to start the day anew. And showers others with the beauty of Islam and Iman.

Reflected by Muslim. By heart.



Saturday, December 14, 2013



tangan menggaru kepala yang tak berapa nak gatal.buntu.facing 34 kids in a classroom ain't easy.they are not 'us' years ago whom respect and fear teachers.everyday conversation macam ayam and itik.English is alien for most of them.and the class was chaotic.everytime.

but again

mungkin aku lupa.realitinya Allah datangkan mereka sebagai ujian.Allah tidak akan menguji hambaNya di luar kemampuan.

English might be alien...try not to make it alien to them.

They only fear teacher whom can throw them out of window.not the one that treated them with care and love.

They have no respect towards teacher.because they never understand the value of respecting others.

They can't follow rules. Because they were forced to follow rules.


You have to see a cuboid.not a plain square shape with four sides.


Start understanding.

Subtle lesson

I was tested...

Allah has His own way
Of reminding me

When I sit and reflect
When people think of your bad more than your good
That means you have not done much good

"Always make peace..even it means to swallow your pride"


It was past one year when I felt the need of throwing the never ending list of songs i had...really.earpiece was left out whenever I went out.which is abnormal.

Indeed.from headbanging song to mellow nasyid songs aint easy.

And proven, none of them stuck in my head except a few piece from zain bikha and the clan.

It hit me thou.

Between both facts.getting rid of everything and start clean.or slowly get rid of the bad habit and replacing with something new.

The analogy was like a full glass of water and when you take out a bit of them, u have the emptiness that should be filled with.

The drastic of getting rid of the list wasnt a big help.Youtube is there.

And I keep on listening as my rationalisation was I did not commit anything wrong by listening.by being moderate and knowing the limit and keeping everything balance.

But ultimately, I know. I should cut the tie.


Its hard. To handle people's perception on you.
Thou you know their judgement won't effect the Judgement by Him.

People walk their path differently.
As some might have to make a simple U-turn to get back on the right path.
Some might get stuck in traffic.
Or even get lost in the middle and have to take miles to find way back.

But ultimately, they keep on moving and hopefully end up on the right same spot as others.

We have different struggles. Each and everyone of us.
As long as we realize our final pitstop.
I know we would crawl if we have to
To reach the final destination.
Never fret then, Allah is watching.

People's talking.
Yahh..it hurt.
But let not them glue us to the ground.
Fly if you could.
Walk if you can't.
Crawl if its too much.
And stand up right when you recharge.

Tapi kadang..even you have to beat the rationalisation and rationalize is it really rational.got it.jangan nak memanjang watlek watpeace.skali Allah tarik nyawa.mampu nak tengok timbang tara pahala dosa kat 'sana'?

Saturday, October 26, 2013


Weyh...kuang asam.bak balik air aku.

Kedekut tahap gaban la ko ni Bilal.aku minum sikit jer.minum air manis banyak-banyak kena diabetis.tak sahut seruan kerajaan betul.buat letih deorang naikkan harga gula.

Yerla Uwais.membebel ko pandai.rokok kat tangan kau ape citer?GST nak naik.harga barang makin mahal.sanggup jugak hari-hari kau sedut asap.aku taleh brain la.

Gelagat mereka aku pandang.both have valid argument.tapi biasalah...when someone touches on your weak point.you defend yourself by bringing down the other party.

Lagaknya kerajaan lawan pembangkang.
Tak pernah menang mencari salah.

Kita pantang di tegur.
Baik tua baik muda.

Orang yang menegur kadang menegur mengejek.
Kalau yang menegur ikhlas.di katakan poyo.
Akhirnya..sama-sama hanyut.

Bosan menegur
Bosan di tegur

Statik lah kita.
Tunggu sampai Allah tegur?

Random evening.
It smells raindrop.

Friday, October 25, 2013

Ini Cerita Acan

Mata bundarnya aku tenung...dalam
What have you went through boy?
Aku melepaskan keluh berat
Jumpa mereka buat aku ingat realiti hidup.
Tapi hati meronta tiap kali
Terasa lemah bila tangan tak mampu menggapai lebih
Sekadarnya..berborak.bertanya khabar.

It was the best one hour.

He carves the sweetest smile when I saw him
Left there because pengabaian...same case with others.
Hebatnya Acan.the basis of prayers.5 times in a day.
He made a promise.to keep it full.
Hantu matematik.pantang kira2...
Otak ligat.mata bulat.tangan lincah.
I don't see any sign of "stupidity" in him
No.he is bright.


Kenapa mak ayah aku tak datang tengok kat sini eyh?

Nanti ak nak tulis surat banyak-banyak kat mak ayah.

Akak,saya tak sabar nak tunggu 2015.
saya bebas.

Akak...jangan lupa kami.nanti cari kami yer.

These words.

it broke my heart.yes.
It opened my eyes.yes.
It taught me life through them.yes.

I fall back to ground zero.helpless.

How will they walk this life.
When it was never easy for those who were lucky.

Prayers.that is the only thing that will fly and sink deep to them.
With Allah wills.for sure.

Ini cerita acan.


Sunday, October 6, 2013

If we ever know

There was a talk, that I really wanted to go.
but as a student living in money-eater-city of kuala lumpur
i can't afford the ticket
so what I did was I emailed 'em...asking for discounts and any free admission or half price admission or free volunteers do I can get through to the talk...you know.very cunning.heh.

but there was none available.and they were sorry too.

and I told my naqibah about this.she was cool.and she said she will think of a way.

and a week later we were told that we have a free tafseer class from this 'ustaz'
the fee is ' a steadfast heart'
not that cheap...that was our response.
 and yeap..with that call.we went.leaving behind a whole bunch of practicum works undone.
we went.and late as always.

the first greeting from the mak cik was, 'hah lambat, ustaz dah lama tunggu'
and we were 45 minutes late.dayumm
we thought that the class will start even without us.there should be other people aite.
we walked in.and thats it. we were the only audience.

the tafseer class was meant for us.
the ustaz came solely for us.
the makcik who was a doctor (you how busy they are) spared her house for us
they all...with all their might.did this to provide us with tafseer class.

may Allah bless them
may Allah help us to learn about the Deen.
make du'a for our heart to stay steadfast regardless of anything.


Saturday, September 28, 2013


It was only two and a half hour sleep last night.body was super-tired when i hit home.but as always...eyes refused to shut down.school.was again.a new day.a new tarbiyyah that Allah sent to test for my patience.having prepared everything for one whole day right after i hit home from school, just to make today's lesson fun for them.turned out to be disaster.kids were fighting over easy pitsy things.sulked over questions that their group
 member was not able to answer.

Again...you can plan.but He always be the best planner after all.i shed tears.hah.too sad to leave these kiddos unsettled.

A peek of these little minions

May Allah ease the path.may Allah help them with their life trials.o'Allah.don't let them go astray. 

Tuesday, September 24, 2013

Dengan siapa kita kecewa sebenarnya?

"mendidik itu bukan menjadi mua'lim semata-mata, bukan mudarris semata-mata, bukan ustaz or ustazah..tapi murabbi ,,insan yg membentuk dari segala sudut peribadi ,..lakukan dengan sifat Rahman dan Rahim RABBIla'lamin.."

"berapa hari dh tazkirah? berapa banyak dh nasihat? nabi nuh berapa tahun berdakwah? berapa yg ikut? nabi musa yg berdakwah berpa tahun? berapa ramai yg ikut?....tugas kita usaha,,yg merubah hati manusia hanya ALLAH..maka berpa kali doa yg keluar dari HATI untuk anak didik..mungkin kesusahan ini hadiah dari ALLAH untuk orng yg die sayang..."

 It was again a 'disappointing' experience with the kiddos. It was hard not to feel bad when your lesson went haywire. and yes, teachers did walk with preparation and intention to teach the kids.

but again, Allah had sent me a beautiful reminder. when I sigh and I complaint about the students, I hardly reflect what have I done to really teach the students to be better caliph for ummah.

never stop trying.
kalau seorang pendidik berhenti mendidik..what will be to the nation.

mungkin kena cuba gaya murabbi.hah.


Wednesday, September 18, 2013

Random Mind #2

It was the normal routine again and again. But it was different air I breath each day. Different life lesson taught by the students every single day.

It was late at night when I saw a post from a highschool friend. Being in one of the biggest company in the country make me feel a bit jealous.its shaytaan or perhaps just my heart did not get the right tune at that time.*sigh*. A lot of them had accomplished so much in life when I am still crawling to complete my degree. The almost five and a half years spent for study yet nothing in between that I had actually done for others make me feel low. How much time have I wasted when I don't even have the luxury of time.

But again, looking at the bright side. That is not what I am looking for in life. And I am sure enough that He planned everything with the permanent marker pen way before I was here in Loh Mahfuz. And I am here writing with pencils and giving the eraser to Him to erase my unreasonable life plans.

It is not the matter of how high you are in the eye of the society, but it matters who you are in the eye of The Creator.

let's head up for the students tomorrow. wishing them to gain the knowledge delivered. Their life stories are not as fairytales as what we have been through. You know life hits them hard when they are young and you should be there to help them stand.

night rambles.
2305  180913

Monday, September 16, 2013

Random Mind #1

Random mind # Take 1

It was over almost a year when we last met each other. Allah wills us to meet once again last week.maybe to inspire.or maybe to tell us how much have we disregard things and nikmat that He gave us since. 

I breakdown when my kids throw tantrums. 
I was mad when they could not sit and listen.
I feel helpless when both my hands hurt badly because of small cuts.

And after I saw her I think I shall look into the mirror and say..duhhh akma.look at urself.

diagnosed with glaucoma. fighting for her right eye for 24 years and was told that she could lost everything in between two hours due to retina detachment. and yet after everything, she told us that in all musibah there are sweetness that Allah gave her.

and she was grateful.for the only eye that she had. for all the trials from Him.

I would like to see the smile last. and I know she will laugh and smile as she is now.

may Allah grant her a clearer sight.she had so much to explore.and she is one of the light in the ummah. she had so much to do. a lot of people loving her to every bits.

tribute to Kak Syarnisa.
you might not know how much you inspire people.
but you did.
stay strong.
stay safe.

jaded's. 160913 1334

Saturday, July 20, 2013

Kids have lost their innocence

The first post after keeping myself away with any long writing stuff. Having less time or the truth I have too much to say yet words are not enough to express them all.

The third week has ended for practicum phase one. It was a breathtaking experience. Walking into school feels like walking through a hallway where everything is presented right in front of your eyes. The FUTURE of ummah I would say.

budak-budak yang 80% of them have family problem
budak-budak yang tak kenal erti hormat pendidik
budak-budak yang tukar a mini story book into a porn book
budak-budak yang buat smirk faces when they see teachers

tapi, the truth is.are these really masalah budak. I don't think so. They grew up by looking, listening and copying what the adults did.didn't they.they reflect us.

The truth is, teaching profession now and then is really different. If then, it is a noble profession but not now. People have a mindset that being a teacher is an easy tipsy stuff. masuk mengajar for one hour then thats it. As if they know the reality.

To teach them to be clever, there is no need to send your kids to school.really.but to teach them to be human.that is what we are for.teachers. we are not teaching them, English alone for example. we teach them life.manners.respect.as much as we could.

Tapi...it won't work with the society's mindset.kalau rasa mendidik itu mudah.then didik your kids from home. so then we can take care of the rest.

Having kids without properly teach them is just another sin that people unconsciously doing without even realizing it.

random.random.random.thoughts of being in school for quite some time.

cracking head to teach them English.

hope they will learn.not just the language.hope it went far beyond.


Monday, May 20, 2013

Manusia, sekadar itukah hidup.

Arghhhhh!Tension menghadap assignment yang tak putus-putus.tangan laju menekan butang browser...layan youtube seround.Michael Jackson, 'man in the mirror' berdegung dari headphone Marley kat kepala.terpenjara dalam kalut esaimen.bosannya manusia.sekadar itukah hidup?

If you wanna make a change, start with the one in the mirror.bittertruth.

I would say this is the routine for most people out there, students terutamanya.hidup didalam circle esaimen, movie, makan, tido menghadap lecturer.yang hidup hanya sekadarnya.lets say five and a half year masa belajar, selama itu jugaklah masa di bazirkan dengan perkara-perkara yang tidak berfaedah.pemuda bagai hilang jiwa...zombified dengan esaimen dan kekangan kerja.akhirnya kaku manjadi robot yang mengikut susunan manusia.

Masa yang paling berharga adalah zaman muda.sirah dan sejarah agung islam dimulakan dengan berlatar belakangkan pemuda..nabi pernah bersabda yag bermaksud "telah menyokong/membantu ak para pemuda, sedangkan golongan tua membelakangi ak"..

dirumah al-arqam bin abi alarqam ..nabi berumur 40 tahun..saidina umar berumur 27 tahun..saidina uthman lebih muda dari umar..saidina ali lebih muda dari saidina uthman...musaib bin umairjuga dikisahkan memeluk islam sewaktu usia pemuda..dihantar oleh nabi ke madinah sblom hijrah..tiada rumah yang tidak diketuk mus'ab untuk menyampaikan islam..sultan muhammad al fateh sewaktu dilantik menjadi sultan berumur 19 tahun dalam tempoh 2 tahun berjaya membuka kota konstatinopal.. 

Inilah contoh manusia yang bukan hidup hanya sekadarnya

I was once asked, kalau constantinopole tu berjaya di tawan oleh al fateeh pada umur 24 tahun, what have I done for 23 years living?

Tersentak.di situ bermulanya langkah didalam medan dakwah dan tarbiyah.merangkak mencari diri.mencari himmah yang hilang dalam jiwa muda sendiri.mula di terjah dengan ISK, melarikan diri dari daurah syahadatul Haq dek kerana ustaz google bg definisi syahadatul haq yang bagiku scary.pemahaman cetek kalau aku tak dengar aku tak payah sampaikan buatkan aku berusaha melarikan diri.tapi, di heret akak-akak perkasa. Usai daurah balik ke rumah ibarat memikul beban batu seberat-beratnya di atas bahu.

Nah...manusia kalau di khabarkan tujuan hidupnya takkan mereka hidup sekadarnya.

"Aku tidak menciptakan jin dan manusia melainkan untuk mereka beribadah kepadaku" 51:56

"Ingatlah ketika tuhanmu berfirman kepada para malaikat: "sesunggunya Aku hendak menjadikan seorang Khalifah di muka bumi." 2:30

Andai manusia itu berfikir, oksigen ade fungsinya, binatang dan tumbuhan menyediakan manusia keperluan tenaga, serving human being to make them able to survive.but again, what are human being survive for?adakah sekadarnya untuk hidup, makan, belajar kerja kumpul harta dan mati di hujung nanti.

Often blinded by other purpose of life buatkan manusia buta akan ultimate purpose of life.untuk menjadi abid dan khalifah di muka bumi Allah.lalu mereka hidup hanya sekadarnya.hanya untuk survive hari esoknya.belajar hanya sekadarnya untuk lulus masuk universiti.semuanya sekadarnya.

Contradict.when we have less than a century to prepare for life of eternity our very actions shudnt be 'sekadarnya'. Jadilah  orang yang bukan hidupnya hanya sekadarnya.having said that aiming for jannah, neither of our actions should be done leisurely.siapa lagi yang boleh mengubah kita melainkan diri sendiri.

"Sesunggunnya Allah tidak akan mengubah keadaan sesuatu kaum melainkan mereka mengubah keadaan yang ada pada diri mereka sendiri" 13:11


Saturday, May 18, 2013

Fitnah dai'e

Mata mendongak memandang langit

Langit bumi Malaysia tak jauh bezanya dengan langit di bumi brisbane

Mungkin.langitnya sama.bi'ahnya ,menyesak jiwa.aku rindu suasana Brisbane.mana langkah manusia, penuh dengan akhlak.bak kata syeikh muhamad abduh.aku melihat islam di bumi bukan muslim.tapi sebaliknya di bumi muslim.bittertruth.kaki menjejak kembali bumi Malaysia,kelilingnya aku melihat manusia yg ratanya beragama Islam.

Proses mencari tuhan itu gayanya makin sukar bila bertatih di bumi yang dikatakan 'islam' itu sendiri,dek kerana banyaknya kelabu.mungkin samar jadinya.melangkah kaki tersangkut.tangan meraba bak jengkaut.mengikis kesekian sisa iman yang berbaki.bila yang berjubah labuh di kecam pensyarah, dikatakan kolot tak mampu bersuara gagah lantang.bila cubaaan-cubaan menjaga ikhtilat dikatakan tidak menjaga persaudaraan lelaki perempuan.bila kepala pening memikirkan diri yangtak putus menjadi fitnah agama.di mana silapnya.buntu.

Tapi kembali merangkak mencari yang abadi.adakah kamu menyangka kamu beriman sedangkan kamu tidak di uji.ahh manusia.bicara gaya seorang dai'e.tapi hati rapuh melawan gelojak hati.diuji sedikit melatah bukan persis dai'e.

So...heads up.reflect diri sbg seorang dai'e.mungkin lemah diri.akhlaq tak cukup ikut nabi.

Random write up



Thursday, April 25, 2013


Tangan sibuk membelek Mocha fusion dalam tangan.hailaa..why on earth did that guy gave me cream.mulut laju menyedut mocha.aaahhh..lega gila.cleaning for five hours makes me crave for coffee.

Tiba-tiba mata aku menangkap kelibat seorang budak.cute gila.'clinging' to her mom.closely.he was asking for her mom to get her the toys that she wanted. Adat mat salleh, tak pernah menengking bila anak mintak barang. after her mom try to compromise with her daughter but she keep insisting. tapi si anak mula buat perangai. she starts to cry, making a ruckus in the store.but the mom, patiently treating the daughter, she still not buying the toys but she took her on the other side of the store and buy her something else.si anak still crying, hitting her mom and try as much as possible to trouble her mom.mata aku tak lepas mmerhati.otak laju berfikir.


a text message received

oh snap!am late for work.

the incident makes me think

bukan ideologinya sama macam manusia dengan sang pencipta?

we always have our own specific prayer, we want this.we want that.but we get otherwise. up to a certain point, we feel that our prayers are not being answered.we start to make trouble.being rebellious?heh...

always we forget

we plan at our best.but Allah is the best of planner.
when our wish are not granted, we focused a lot on the ungranted wish.
when we failed our exam.we focus on our failures.but we forget all the years that we have passed.
just being human being aint we?

but we forget
Have He ever leave us?
How much nikmat yang Allah dah bagi?
seperti anak yg cling much to her mom
thats how we should be clinging to our Creator.
fully dependent on Him
beliefs that all that we get is the best from His plan

ini random...idea drained.because all the ideas come from Him.^^

Saturday, March 30, 2013

Assalamualaikum...thou no one is reading.

better this way

a long journey today...almost ten hours driving will make you wonder how much Allah have kept you secured..breathing.still.regardless the crazy traffic and sometimes-wreckless-rempit-driving style.If and only if...something bad happened.Will the deeds that I have done all these years secure me a better place in the hereafter?well...death awaits us not just in a dangerous place but it can be on your bed...tonight?na'udzubillahminzalik.

yet...constant reflection is what we always need.

a sinner...may Allah forgives.because He is The Most Forgiven.:')

Wednesday, March 13, 2013



the shabby dusty blog...revisiting after quite a while 

Just came back from volunteering work at Tengku Budriah..so much fun with the kiddos.but my heartache when I was with them too.

Having fun because the kids are really talkative

They are really pampered, in their own ways

Their will to learn,regardless how much they are lagging behind

Their warm smile...



I fall in love with them all.period

But I cant help to feel greedy.wanting them to be able to get so much in that little time.regardless how hard they are struggling. I want them...to lead a new life.to stand tall wherever they are.never let others look down on them.compete just like others compete.

Go kiddos.be a fighter!

I wish to have more time for them.moga Allah bagi kelapangan masa.

and a promise I should keep.

for years to come, I will teach them to become human. I will teach my students to be human rather than robot. I want to love them the way I love the kids now.and I shall not let the system washed this away.

and heart.shall keep this tight.make me steadfast Ya Allah.


its a rambling...but its the heart content.



Monday, February 4, 2013

Life as it seems...life as we live it

Life as it seems...life as we live it

It aint easy...coming back and forth.feel up in the sky.hati rasa mantap.iman rasa kuat.and at times...you are barely breathing.you know it.but helpless with not much effort to bring it up.jaded.dengan diri sndiri of not being able to be persistence.of always throwing tantrums randomly at realllyyyy unexpected things and not being mad at things that should be mad at.out of control.and I hate myself most when this happened.

Just because...getting midnight(just say it night) air is very much refreshing for me.using the excuse of going out to the city looking for stuff to cook sambal bilis for my bro.I ended up seeing stuff that I can't brain why people able to do such things. Wearing nice clothe*baju kurung yet leasuring around at places that they shouldnt be and do a bit of dancing with the song.hailaaa

Not right for me to say a word.being there.done that.same boat but might be different cabin and direction.i supposed.no boys and as cold as I can be when lone ranger mode is one. Had a conversation with a junior...a sis.when she opened up.ranting about her doing all not-so-good stuff, I know its not easy to spill.its the jerangkung in the closet we are letting out.but hey adik...being there.done that.might be worst.but Allah has His plan...and alhamdulillah.as crazy as I can be,there are things that I really had put my limit at it. To stay away from who you are.what you like to do.your escapism.aint easy.at all cost.but knowing the reason,a concrete one.why you shudnt do this and that.it keeps you steadfast.at times.haha..

But to be reminded..and keep reminding

I have no right to say...as little as I did.as no help I had gave to them.no advice.yet talking bad about them.no more than doing some savings for my sin?not good.I was there.and same old with a bit of amendments here and there.long way to go.and to spill.i don't know how,where or who.except for writing and erasing.feel like it will be washed away for a while.but keep coming back is not an option.

To the dear heart...i know.i havent bleach you enough.but do me a favour.lets work this together.as I supposed that my brain and heart always work opposite way and the crazy random stuff is heart directed.i will always choose heart.as brain is for some other stuff.when craziness is under control.spill.rant.write.randomly.makes the heart feel lotttt more better.and when I rant...i know that I am tired talking to my ownself trying to control things.aint easy.worth trying.


Ouhhh..mak cik2 balik hobi pulak salam(*accepted.normal) but when it comes to hugging and violating the rights of my cheeks.I had goosebumps.and the question.when will be my turn is a wajib phrase.mak cik...my wonderwall is yet to be seen.and my allergy with boys of extra feelings is still there.back off is for them.longgggg way to go.=D